We Tell Ourselves

Quiet and horrifyingly loud.
Not knowing at all but completely.
Touching but too far away to feel it.

I would have if you’d have been there.
You wanted to but you didn’t. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d let you.
Someday it wouldn’t be different, no matter how much we would want it.

It wasn’t right without being wrong.
There were far too many others
who would always have been unhappy.

We tried the best we were able to be what we never could be. It was wonderful while it lasted. I’ll miss it like never knowing.
It was all it could be without being.

I loved our time in your kitchen or wherever you keep your coffee and the bug who would have starved to death if it hadn’t have been for your caring.

I wanted to be something different. A friend if that was all that it should be.

Did the best I could to step up to the edge without falling
but stumbled and fell a little. I thought you might try to catch me, was a little bit wrong in assuming.

Goodbye darling dear. I’ll miss you.
I believe that I thought I loved you. I was pretty sure that you wished you could love me too.
It is what it always will be and all that it ever could be.

We tell ourselves what we want to hear. I wanted to hear what you had to say but for that to be what I wanted. And pretty much it exactly was and why it is so hard to let it go.

I think I’m beginning to see that I’m good at imagining.

 

we tell oursleves

 

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